Well here I am... Its a Full Moon and I am taking the leap.

Card from "The Living Altar" oracle deck

This has been a hard step for me honestly. Putting my thoughts and brain out on the internet feels vulnerable... BUT I think this will be good for me and my growth. Maybe its the Full moon tonight lending a hand in pushing me into its current Aquarius energy to network and branch out. Or its time for me to start moving out of my south node energy and get a little uncomfortable for the sake of growth. Either way I think I have some stories to share and some insight to lend to at least someone out there,

Lets just start with a little about me. Nothing to crazy... let me ease into this...

I'm 28 years old and I grew up in a small town in California. A country girl some would say while others would not even guess that now. I lived on a piece of land in the middle of nowhere. Grew up riding and training horses, playing in the mud, racing go karts, and just being outside. My childhood was fun in that aspect but had a lot of trouble and pain in others. I've been in the foster care system, dealt with drug addiction in the family, and been through other things I wont get into just yet... lets save some shadows for another time and place.

As those more troubling aspects of my life passed through and had their time I grew very rebellious... Anger was built up and it needed a place to go. Drumming, punk rock, and music became a HUGE part of my life. Punk shows, mosh pits, and late night drinking under bridges and punk houses became a safe haven for me. It was a place I could be myself without judgment. Its recklessness and spontaneous nature is what landed me in Portland. Here is where I met my husband 8 years ago. A lead singer in a punk band at the time, easy to say we hit it off pretty well and I ended up never really leaving Portland. we got married April of 2017

Fast forward to December 2020. This is where Witchcraft makes a forever memorable entrance into my life. I had spent years leading up to this moment drinking a lot.... I mean a lot. Embarrassingly... it was a 5th of vodka a day if not more. If I have learned anything from my craft it is to be real with myself... nitty gritty honesty... so that is what I am going to strive to be on here. Alcohol became a constant in my life. It helped me run away from the anxiety that also played and still plays a huge role in my life. At the same time my drinking problem was pushing me further and further away from myself. December 3rd, 2020 after weeks of on and off vomiting I collapsed on my floor. I called for my husband to call 911 and I was taken to the hospital. That night he was told I probably wouldn't make it through the night. I had pancreatitis, liver damage, kidney damage, malnutrition, and dehydration. Being height of the pandemic he wasn't even able to come be by my side until the next day when covid test results came back. That thought still brings a depth to my stomach that aches.

3 days went by. I was in an induced coma left up to me to wake up from. These 3 days I thought I was dead... they didn't even feel like days but more like time didn't exist. Honestly at the time, in those moments, I was ready to slip away. I was in a sense of nothingness that felt like a weight had been lifted... (if you want more detail on that experience I will save its long winded rambling for another blog where I can try my best to put it into words). But the day came that woke up. Josh, my husband, was there and I was reminded of the reasons to live. I had too many people I cared about to give up that easily. Call it my Aries drive but at that moment I was ready to fight. It took a lot. I had to relearn to walk... shit i had to relearn how to use my hands, stand, walk... all of it. but I did it. i made the choice that day to live a sober life.

With those last days staying in the hospital recovering, relearning to "life" and regaining my strength I had a lot of time to think. To think about my decision to be sober and how i was going to make it work. I decided I was dead set on proving the sober stigma wrong. I was going to live an awesome fulfilling life without booze (if you've never had a problem with substance abuse this may sound easy but it feels so much harder in these situations). I spent years of my life making alcohol my personality and I was damned if sobriety would do the same. But I also wanted to help people that may be in my same shoes. A complicated feat with all this newness I was already facing. So I started out simple: Getting back in touch with myself.

This is where Witchcraft came in. An alternative way to connect with myself and the world around me with a touch of magic and mysticism. I've always been drawn to the strange and unusual and now I was drawn to learn all about it from the moment I got out of the hospital. I bought a grimoire, studied my crystals, then oracle cards and tarot, onto scheduling practices around the moon giving me something to look forward to. It gave me that feeling of freedom, wonder, and excitement that booze gave me before. It let my inner child out to play without drowning it in booze in return. Most of all it gave me a new sense of self and empowerment had I only thought I had before. It was what filled that empty spot I had before.

So that is what I have been doing this past almost two years. Wondering, wandering and pondering around this crooked path, Soaking up all I can and learning new thing about myself and my craft. And it is now that I feel the push to share some of my story, Share some insights and put myself out there a bit. Break this reclusive pattern I have created in hopes of connecting with like minded people or people in the same boat that may need a little encouragement to step into their own craft, sobriety, or self empowerment. Even if it doesn't reach a single soul out there... at least I tried and at least I faced my own fears of putting myself out here.

If you made it this far congratulations and NICE TO MEET YOU! I hope your Full Moon celebrations were magical. Grab a cup of tea, peak around my site, sneak my reading options, and join me in the shadows, There is beauty here in the darkness. I promise.

- Sincerely,

Amber Rhythm.Witch